FOREVER THANKFUL

While I see how bloggers might want to stay away from the un-pretty in life and keep the boring, more personal details off of their space,  I am all about that. In my experience, exposure equals tolerance, even if you're the one learning to tolerate yourself.  I personally love blogging about feeling like crap, having sad days & being scared of the future. Now, I don't love feeling all of those negative things, but I know and hope that in sharing and normalizing my "dirty laundry", it might help others with similar problems feel that it's okay to not have to be "on" all the time. This time around, it is really hard trying to re-wire my heart, but let me tell you, with my family & loved ones by my side and God holding my heart, the pressure that's been lifted off of my shoulders is immense! Everyone is real. Everyone poops (gross, sorry... true, though!). Everyone is just trying to get through each day with a smile on their face and a dream in their heart.  I'm huge on expressing gratitude for my life's blessings. I honestly believe that there is something to be thankful for in every situation, good or bad. 

As tight as now, being grateful is my choice. It’s fine to be overwhelmed by choices. But at least we have those choices to make. There are people out there who won’t make it till tomorrow. We are extremely blessed and I think everyone just needs to take a step back from the self-loathing, the doubt, the teenage friendship dramas, the relationship troubles and all other manner of causes of apparent stress and realize that. We are alive. This season of gratitude always reminds me how important it is to step back, look around, and be thankful for the people in my life who have helped me along this road. We all aspire to do, be, and have great things. Yet most of us simply aren’t creating the results we want. We complain that we don’t have enough money, romance, success, or joy in our lives.

We point fingers and blame outside problems that “happen” to us and make life more difficult. But what we need to understand and keep at the forefront of our minds is that greatness exists in all of us. It is simply up to us to pull it out of ourselves. Regardless of personal circumstances, economic climates, and access to resources, it helps to maintain faith in the fact that we each are more powerful than we think.

We all have the ability to create the life we want. We just need to learn how to do it. Is there an exact “formula?” No, but there are certain common features that successful people exhibit and that anyone can practice. They are what can jump-start your success and attract what you want in life. This season, there are lots of things that I am thankful about. I am thankful for my life and every little detail on it. My family, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and close relatives. I am grateful for my friends who are real with me, and allow me to be real with them; the chance to live an EPIC life. I am thankful for this life. I laugh and cry, I love and hurt. Apparently, my emotions built a roller coaster inside my head and now they keep on riding it. Life is so short, guys. If there is one thing that my life experiences have taught me, it's that. If you have anyone in your life that you've been ugly towards or who has wronged you and asked for your forgiveness, don't waste time. Don't take the long way.
Thanks be for everyone, everywhere.

I have never been more thankful. Life is good guys. Life is good.

-dyoyzee-

FAMILY COMES FIRST

This one I am writing at this moment is impromptu, I usually type and make sentences in Microsoft Document, then afterwards, read it then post it on my blog, this time I want everything that comes out of my mind to be literally type written here. While listening to a ballad song, I am thinking of what to do next, this seems to be multitasking. I don't even think if I will make sense and if I will have a topic to tackle up. So, I wanna make loose. Sometimes I think of having a video blog but then due to the incapacity of materials needed, I just ended up writing all the time. I knew I could express myself and say everything I wanted to jot down thru writing.

Here it goes.This has got to be one of the boring days of my life. But previously, and what I have said way back, when I am bored or I feel to have the mood to write, I usually end up in scribbling notes while into a journey, or simply sitting quietly in a corner or just facing my desktop. After all, my thoughts distinctness still functions with sense. I am monophobic before, I have this fear , but now, I can cope with it somehow. Sometimes, everybody needs to be alone and stay in stillness. Right then quietly with solitude, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, you can focus. I get some good thinking and re-charge time during day out, or in my room, but the retreats are more focused on thinking about creative problems that I’m wanting to solve. That’s why I intentionally carve time out. I make room for creativity. Intentionally. The best example of what I mean by a retreat is a weekend with God, at home with family. I enjoy baby sitting my nieces and my nephew. Sharing laughter with my siblings, asking my parents' situation towards their health.So with my TITA NORMA, my FAMILY owes a lot to her.She's the best AUNT, nothing compares to her and we love her so much despite of her talking attitude (and i don't wanna to stress it here enough.I just leave it in the house yo!LOL!) Oh my! I remember my childhood and I wanna say something about it now , since this is random and nothing particular topic to say about, I just want to share it here. Read on!!!LOL!

When I was a child, I used to go with my papa, I remember I used to go with his co-workers and employees, I heard them teasing papa, that mama sent me to guard him, and they all laugh. I can even recall my papa's passion riding on his classic bicycle and follows the safe road until he gets into his office. I remember how my papa enjoyed playing his favorite music on his stereo and he let us (me and my siblings) dance to the tune of “Chikitita”. How simple life was. When I think about my childhood memories with my papa, I remember most his thirst for learning; he shared and transmitted his commitment to knowledge. My father’s love of discussion was coupled with a deep curiosity about all fields of learning. Mama and Papa have never failed to remind us to finish studies first and we can do whatever we want after school. They always inspire us and motivate us until now. I have watched "CLICK" for the Nth time, and the movie made me shed tears still every time I watch it. The line "FAMILY COMES FIRST" has always been a reminder to me that whatever happens, my family is always my priority, second to God. I know I am better equipped to weed out the non essential stuff and focus the things I want to express and have creatively. With their presence, I am motivated and inspired. With my family around me, I find solitude :)

Okay, I thought I have no particular topic this time but if I will go back and read this stuff, it is all about solitude and being alone quietly. My best writing, and in fact the best of anything I’ve done, was created in solitude.

Just a few of the benefits I’ve found from solitude:

• time for thought
• in being alone, we get to know ourselves
• we face our demons, and deal with them
• space to create
• space to unwind, and find peace
• time to reflect on what we’ve done, and learn from it
• isolation from the influences of other helps us to find our own voice
• quiet helps us to appreciate the smaller things that get lost in the roar

-dyoyzee-

"BER BEGINS"

Despite all the hype, not everyone who is with their families and loved ones is actually having a fabulous time! A person can feel really lonely even if they have lots of people around them or they can feel completely fulfilled and content even if they are on your own.

It’s the first day of the month of September. I just had this thought this morning when I woke up, I’m choosing to be on my own for Christmas Day. Though it was a strange feeling, looking back it was also quite therapeutic. I actually enjoy being on my own in peace and in quiet, sounds weird though. I have this thought that wallows in self-pity since I will be all alone. Well, this feeling may not linger, it will be just for awhile. There are 113 days before Christmas and I know that before this day comes, a lot of smiles will be already been shared by me throughout my surroundings. I thank God for the air I breathe, my parents that I love most, my siblings that inspire me, my nieces and nephew who put smile in my face after a hard day. They are one of the big reasons why I had a real perspective that can actually make a great Christmas time every day of my life and not just for a few days.

In every phase of our lives, CHANGE is bound to come no matter how much we would have wanted to prevent it. We need to get our lives going on the next plane. I just want to share some things I went through that even the closest people in my life did not know it. There was a reason why I went into details with the parts of my life and that is because I believe that it was the point where everything started going haywire. I am going in directions I didn’t understand or could hardly keep up with. I was lost, depressed, losing weight but eating everything in sight. I was once an insomniac – sleeping most of the day away and going out at night. I was spending money like I had a paycheck to depend on at the end of the month. I cursed life and lost faith in God. I lost faith in everything. The only thing I believed in was the fact that there would always be somewhere to go, cigarettes to smoke and alcohol to be consumed.

The ironic thing was, people have often told me that I am one of, if not the only strongest person they know. To have gone through what I had gone through and not be in a mental hospital cooped up in a padded room was some sort of feat. They kept telling me that I could make it through anything because I was strong and courageous. Little did they know, I’d spend every moment crying endlessly. They didn’t know that I wanted to end my pain and suffering by taking a few too many pills or slipping with a blade in my hand, but I was just too damn chicken to actually do it.

So I kicked and screamed- “What exactly is my point?!” and then I knew. The point was and still is to NEVER LET GO, NEVER GIVE UP. The point is to just keep going. No matter what life may hurl at me, I will stand up straight and face it head on. Realizing all these things now, I will no longer be afraid of the low periods in my life, for they are the ones that shape me. I have been through what I have been through and nothing will ever change that or take it away. I AM WHAT AND WHO I AM. Looking back at past cuts and bruises, will always bring back that bitter taste and a painful memory but that’s all it is – a MEMORY. I ASK YOU TO RUN YOUR FINGERS OVER MY SCARS AND FEEL EACH AND EVERY GROOVE. I will always remember how I have got them in the first place and I vow that I won’t get one in the same spot, ever again. I WILL LET GO OF IT NOW. Whatever those statements mean to me, I will just do it. If it means crying hysterically and sobbing until I can’t breathe anymore, I will do it. If I need to call a friend and I will ask him or her to just sit quietly with me, I will do it. If it means releasing the bitter-sweet memory by repeating a mantra, I will do it. Whatever takes to survive, I WILL DO IT.

No matter what happens on or before this Christmas, I know that I can only give myself what I want in terms of happiness and joy. I will always be thankful and it is a personal growth having this opportunity for “ME-TIME”. WASALAK!!!

Advance Merry Christmas to everyone!

-dyoyzee-