Another Letter to Heaven

Papa, 

I tried not to cry but you always rock my core whenever I think of you. Fast forward …losing you was hands down the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. People who knew  I have lost a dad always tell me how strong I am and my first thought is always “how do they know if I’m strong?” they didn’t see me hysterically crying on my bedroom floor for hours because I was too weak and exhausted to do anything else. I did however come a day when I realized I was going to be okay. There wasn’t a particular moment but I remember one day realizing that I am growing old and losming you is the most difficult thing in this life. The saddest day ever! I write about strength now because I finally realized that strength isn’t measured by how heavy of weights I can lift, how many miles I can run or whether or not I cry. Even if I don’t feel strong all the time I have learned that no matter what happens, life keeps on moving, as much as you want it to pause sometimes it doesn’t. And I have learned that it takes a lot of strength sometimes to keep up with the pace. Some days are harder than others. I am missing you so much papa, and I wish I had your shoulder to lean on. The  past few years I’v been able to keep pace and take risks and I’m living in the moment. One of the many things you taught me was to enjoy the simple things in life. So after all, I want to spend the rest of my days on loving, being grateful and just being simply happy. 

Pa, thank you for showing me how strong I am and continuing to push me to grow and become stronger. Time moves so fast! Papa,how do you keep memories from  fading? I don’t want to forget anything about you ever… it feels like just yesterday…but it has been 3 years where has the time gone?You are missing out on so many things. The holidays without you, birthdays, or even ordinary days at home. So one time, I made a visit to our old house, all  flashed back to me. Papa, how I wish the internet can reach heaven, that I can see you on videocalls. You can update your status for us to know how are you. Upload pictures on everything that you’re doing. I keep on asking God to borrow just a minute of you here so that I can hug you one last time with a smile on your face, because the last time I saw you losing your breath, you shed tears and looked at me. I want to see you smile and hear your voice again even for awhile. Is it too much to ask that I want to see your face?

I love you papa. Thank you for being my father. I miss you. More than words can ever express, but somehow I think you know that. Thank you for being my heart, my world and my precious guardian angel 😘😇👴🏼