A LIFE OF CONTENTMENT

I woke up this morning to a steady, soft rain falling from a gray sky. My mind is too cluttered, yet I find time to divulge this eeriness in writing. I am at ease with it.  I am more comfortable confiding my thoughts in blogging. I am free spirited and that’s make it worthwhile. Right now, while siesta is going on, I prefer to devour myself with the things around me. So talking about my “space” creates a great impact on what to tackle and what blahs to write on.  I have the time to focus on myself, my goals, my writing, and my peace.

Just recently, I felt stuck, wishing for crossroads to appear so I could take a different path. I stood around waiting for a change, waiting for the signs to come flashing in my direction, for a contact to call me up with a job offer, for a path to be laid out neatly in front of me. . I took a close look at my frustration and realized I’d been seeing things all wrong. I think we all do that sometimes, wait for a decision to drift our way. But what I realized is that we need to come to the decision, not the other way around. I’ve been listening to this old song lately entitled “Starlight Express by El de Barge”, which in my head is so lush, so layered with a whisper of longing and buried joy that I just cannot wait to listen to it again. It is like a child wishing upon a star.

Love is unconditional.  Trust is not.  Yes, we need to trust, but we also need to be cautious in giving our trust.  Cautious is not the same as being suspicious.  Not everyone holds the intent of our highest good. It’s not easy to forget when someone breaks your trust, especially if you fear it might be broken again, but holding onto doubt is a surefire way to suffer. Little hurts worse than the suspicion that someone else might hurt you. Although I believe in the laws of attraction that what you project you'll receive back...sometimes the true moment of clarity is realizing that what you feel for someone is not exactly what they feel for you. And figuring out somewhat-exactly how that person loves you and the depth of that is the deciding factor to leave or stay. However, 'love' isn't always enough as when trust is broken, something fundamental is lost forever, and attaining it back can be a battle with scars and heartbreak that may not be worth the jaded bruises it leaves behind. I think it really comes down to trusting yourself. So if someone has hurt you really badly, you either have to make a decision to totally trust them again or move on. The one person that you really need to love is yourself. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and nothing is more important that your happiness and inner peace.

What I am really talking now about here is all about comfort with regards to contentment.  I’m not going to tend toward a style that makes me feel too exposed or too buttoned up.  Both extremes are not at all interesting to me.  I’d rather find that one comfortable casual shorts and a tee than be stuck in a stylish jeans or something I must dry clean. With regards to relationships, focus with lessons. Learn from the betrayals. Been there. I was betrayed yet I stood up and held my head high. I have forgiven the past, yet sometimes it’s really hard to forget. So right now, having this relationship with someone guides my path on what road to take.  Our past led us together.  I know that there is no perfect relationship. So what’s always tuck in my mind is the famous cliche---give and take. Learning to meet halfway in every single moment and in order to be comfortable with each other. Openness drives our groundbreaking concept on how a relationship works. There are always some ways to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. That is according to Sarah Dessen. I and my love of my life always fight but regardless of our situation, our LOVE can make up for a lot. Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can't live without each other. We have an unlimited number of ingredients in our lives to combine to cook up the perfect dish. We have to be happy and be contented on what we have. Just savor and nourish it with a dash of laughter, humor, trust, selflessness, positivity, respect, selfishness (take care of yourself first), forgive and smile until you feel it! It sure does feel good when things get done. While I am breathing in this swirling world of masses, Daisy, my family and friends are standing by me through it all the good, bad, and the ugly!

From the rising of the sun to its going down
the Lord's name is to be praised!

-dyoyzee-