BITS AND BLEEPS

Don’t get me wrong; life is not a field of sunny daffodils. I don’t get paid for my writing. There are thousands of freelance writers out there who love to scribble notes because they loved to. This is my passion. I blog because it is one of my outlets in saying my thoughts towards my surroundings and my feelings. When you’re hurting, some people might tell you to “Suck it up and deal” as if that’s a valid solution. They may say “It’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.

I Deserve To Be Happy

In the words of Aristotle, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”By that definition, the only measure or how well we are living our lives would and should be happiness. Deserve implies entitlement, like it's something we don't need to work for - that it's something that will be given to us. I'm not sure what a better word would be - maybe that Happiness is available, that Peace is attainable. But not because we "deserve" it. Like everyone, I’ve been hurt–in both profound and trivial ways.  I still try to do my best in whatever I do, but the difference is I am much kinder and more compassionate with my own flaws. I am learning to stop on fearing loss.  I didn’t expect it would bring up old wounds, but it has. There’s one part where the soothing voice instructs the listener to think back to the confidence of childhood. When I hear this, it reminds me that I wasn’t confident then, and that many painful events chipped away at my self-esteem.

At this point in the meditation, I usually shift my thoughts to a moment when I felt self-assured performing onstage, but yesterday something different happened. Instead, I cried, shook and shivered. Right then, it all came back–anger, shame, and a sense of powerlessness.

I was surprised to feel those raw emotions, after so many years of healing and forgiving. It reminded me that letting go truly is a journey, not a one-time choice. Whenever I feel hurt and it comes back, I am trying to observe them and go deeper inside them. I want to fully express those feelings and go deep down into them and cry myself out, and observe those thoughts. I know they may come back. And over time they'll have less of an impact but I can't suppress them either. I face it each time and eventually I will get over the pain (or realize its just a memory and that I don't have to react to it with pain)

I began to realize that happiness isn’t served to you; it’s earned. It’s created. To charge my mood to be happy is my choice. When you take action, you are telling yourself that your life is worth fighting for. You are strengthening your confidence and proving to yourself that you are not helpless. You are taking responsibility for your life. Expect nothing in return, and everything that comes as a result of you following your passion will bring you untold happiness. One step at a time…let’s take charge of our moods – We all deserve to be happy.

After all, life is far too short to be miserable, don’t you think?

-dyoyzee-