A LIFE OF CONTENTMENT

I woke up this morning to a steady, soft rain falling from a gray sky. My mind is too cluttered, yet I find time to divulge this eeriness in writing. I am at ease with it.  I am more comfortable confiding my thoughts in blogging. I am free spirited and that’s make it worthwhile. Right now, while siesta is going on, I prefer to devour myself with the things around me. So talking about my “space” creates a great impact on what to tackle and what blahs to write on.  I have the time to focus on myself, my goals, my writing, and my peace.

Just recently, I felt stuck, wishing for crossroads to appear so I could take a different path. I stood around waiting for a change, waiting for the signs to come flashing in my direction, for a contact to call me up with a job offer, for a path to be laid out neatly in front of me. . I took a close look at my frustration and realized I’d been seeing things all wrong. I think we all do that sometimes, wait for a decision to drift our way. But what I realized is that we need to come to the decision, not the other way around. I’ve been listening to this old song lately entitled “Starlight Express by El de Barge”, which in my head is so lush, so layered with a whisper of longing and buried joy that I just cannot wait to listen to it again. It is like a child wishing upon a star.

Love is unconditional.  Trust is not.  Yes, we need to trust, but we also need to be cautious in giving our trust.  Cautious is not the same as being suspicious.  Not everyone holds the intent of our highest good. It’s not easy to forget when someone breaks your trust, especially if you fear it might be broken again, but holding onto doubt is a surefire way to suffer. Little hurts worse than the suspicion that someone else might hurt you. Although I believe in the laws of attraction that what you project you'll receive back...sometimes the true moment of clarity is realizing that what you feel for someone is not exactly what they feel for you. And figuring out somewhat-exactly how that person loves you and the depth of that is the deciding factor to leave or stay. However, 'love' isn't always enough as when trust is broken, something fundamental is lost forever, and attaining it back can be a battle with scars and heartbreak that may not be worth the jaded bruises it leaves behind. I think it really comes down to trusting yourself. So if someone has hurt you really badly, you either have to make a decision to totally trust them again or move on. The one person that you really need to love is yourself. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and nothing is more important that your happiness and inner peace.

What I am really talking now about here is all about comfort with regards to contentment.  I’m not going to tend toward a style that makes me feel too exposed or too buttoned up.  Both extremes are not at all interesting to me.  I’d rather find that one comfortable casual shorts and a tee than be stuck in a stylish jeans or something I must dry clean. With regards to relationships, focus with lessons. Learn from the betrayals. Been there. I was betrayed yet I stood up and held my head high. I have forgiven the past, yet sometimes it’s really hard to forget. So right now, having this relationship with someone guides my path on what road to take.  Our past led us together.  I know that there is no perfect relationship. So what’s always tuck in my mind is the famous cliche---give and take. Learning to meet halfway in every single moment and in order to be comfortable with each other. Openness drives our groundbreaking concept on how a relationship works. There are always some ways to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. That is according to Sarah Dessen. I and my love of my life always fight but regardless of our situation, our LOVE can make up for a lot. Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can't live without each other. We have an unlimited number of ingredients in our lives to combine to cook up the perfect dish. We have to be happy and be contented on what we have. Just savor and nourish it with a dash of laughter, humor, trust, selflessness, positivity, respect, selfishness (take care of yourself first), forgive and smile until you feel it! It sure does feel good when things get done. While I am breathing in this swirling world of masses, Daisy, my family and friends are standing by me through it all the good, bad, and the ugly!

From the rising of the sun to its going down
the Lord's name is to be praised!

-dyoyzee-

ALWAYS BEEN YOU

Nothing is stronger than love. Ever heard that expression "Love Conquers All”. Love is an all-powerful, all-dominating positive emotion, which defines human existence and the reality in which it is in. Without love, humanity would effectively cease to exist, becoming almost robotic and drone-like, going through life as essentially just biological machinery, devoid of feeling. Hate is more the dark side to the energies of creation---its exact polar opposite. It is devoid of anything positive and good. Passionate people lead passionate lives. It's why we love. It's also why we fight. The problem is when you go too far and say things that you can't take back. At the end of it, you hurt each other. Pain therefore exists. When it comes down to it, fighting in relationships and the benefits of why we fight are these very moments where we learn to grow.

I love the feeling of being loved, when you know things may not be perfect but it feels so right. I can not deny the fact that I & my partner have this blah blah whatever jealousy issue. I am telling you if she is mad or upset I'm usually having a hard time getting her into a good conversation. She will just reply me with the famous 2 letter words. "PAKS KO” which eventually hurts my ego and worst the 1 letter word… “K” (if that is even a word). Every time this crap happens, it's always driving me nuts. It was a bad moment for both of us. So what I usually do is divert my attention to something else. I put inspiring words in my status on my FACEBOOK wall, I do blog, and I choose to play RnB music. I tried to get my focus away from the issue to calm my self. At the end of it, I realized we have different flaws. So we both know that after all the crazy little fights we have, that love will keep us back in each others arms. Arguments and misunderstandings will always be a part of our relationship but the best part of it is that we can talk it over and try to fix things out.      

Asking why we fight is not as important as what we learn about each other in the process. I put into my mind and remember these feelings we are having and use it to fix ourselves as a couple and as an individual. I know problems like jealousy, mistrust, and even feeling taken for granted all stem from anger issues and lead to why couples fight. The sooner we can get a handle on our anger issues, the sooner we can get back to loving our relationship.

 

My one & only Daisy,

It's funny how we seem to fight so much. Sometimes I get so mad that I couldn’t stand you, but underneath my anger, I could just cry. I know that we already both know each other’s flaws, keep on holding baby! We can still make it. I have prayed for you. Thank you for coming into my life. You are worth it.

It is even funnier when you're not there... I long to feel your touch. I long to feel you with me, to see you everyday. I miss you and I need you. I think about you everyday, every hour, and every minute baby! The little fights mean nothing because you're always going to be the one I will love as always. You are the one I need madly. Nothing in this world could keep us apart. Baby, you are amazing, and don’t you forget that… I LOVE YOU!

-dyoyzee-

YOUNG, WILD & FREE

 I am a write – o – holic and am wired in as my preference. Each day is a blessing, and my blah is an attempt to document the extraordinary as well as the mundane events and sights that I'm privy to every day. I usually post to my blog in the afternoon.  Mainly because daytime is when I’ m losing hours with my job and when the sun comes down, it will be the time for posting.

My eyes are drooping.  My brain is on "hold".  My imagination seems to be shut off.

Dang!!!  This post is associated with my previous frigging boredom.

I can’t think of a single creative, interesting, humorous, frivolous, appealing thing to write.

My life is admittedly quite boring these days, and the bulk of my time is spent either pouring over FACEBOOK NEWS FEEDS until my eyes glaze over and I become a shell of my former self, able to do no more than listlessly explain the processes of endocytosis, or pretending to be a grown up while feebly attempting to be a busy head working but actually focused with Facebook etceteras. I can't promise anything revolutionary, or even somewhat interesting, but I know there has got to be at least a few blog nerds out there who would seize the opportunity to delay living their lives in order to live vicariously through yet another sub-par writer's infrequently updated account of their life, right? I mean, I could tell you a lot about endocytosis....Anyone?

I became acquainted with this word awhile ago, and made use of it now. So what does this word really mean? According to Wikipedia, Endocytosis is a process by which cells absorb molecules (such as proteins) by engulfing them. It is used by all cells of the body because most substances important to them are large polar molecules that cannot pass through the hydrophobic plasma or cell membrane. The process which is the opposite to endocytosis is exocytosis. And I don’t want to go further with the other terms found in its meaning coz it would just make me go farther with my topic.

So how is this word is associated with me, well, obviously, I am finding that words do not come as easily as they did when I was writing on a daily basis. Maybe I just had some two posts in a row that allowed me more time to get in to the habit of writing again. It’s happening!!! It is working now. My inhibitions are coming out. Sometimes, mood swings set in. Yet, it is normal but eventually I can outgrow it.  There are times I could be bitchy, and sometimes I could wear my halo.  It’s normal to have fluctuations in mood from time to time whether it's juggling work and home life, feeling unmotivated, dealing with hormones, or stressful and upsetting situations.  So smile while the world is spinning! In this way, more muscles are used than if you frown. It means that you’ll be using more energy and therefore more oxygen. Force yourself to smile and visualize yourself being happy. Say things like: "I'm the greatest and I'm making the world a better place. That would make sense to me now. Positive thoughts are coming and it is an affirmation that your mind will be open to conditions that will provide opportunity for your list of positive affirmations to become real so create your affirmations very carefully. Make them clear and precise and make sure they reflect what you really want.

 

And I am so sure I have touched a nerve in my subconscious. Endocytosis …there you go!

-dyoyzee-

BITS AND BLEEPS

Don’t get me wrong; life is not a field of sunny daffodils. I don’t get paid for my writing. There are thousands of freelance writers out there who love to scribble notes because they loved to. This is my passion. I blog because it is one of my outlets in saying my thoughts towards my surroundings and my feelings. When you’re hurting, some people might tell you to “Suck it up and deal” as if that’s a valid solution. They may say “It’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.

I Deserve To Be Happy

In the words of Aristotle, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”By that definition, the only measure or how well we are living our lives would and should be happiness. Deserve implies entitlement, like it's something we don't need to work for - that it's something that will be given to us. I'm not sure what a better word would be - maybe that Happiness is available, that Peace is attainable. But not because we "deserve" it. Like everyone, I’ve been hurt–in both profound and trivial ways.  I still try to do my best in whatever I do, but the difference is I am much kinder and more compassionate with my own flaws. I am learning to stop on fearing loss.  I didn’t expect it would bring up old wounds, but it has. There’s one part where the soothing voice instructs the listener to think back to the confidence of childhood. When I hear this, it reminds me that I wasn’t confident then, and that many painful events chipped away at my self-esteem.

At this point in the meditation, I usually shift my thoughts to a moment when I felt self-assured performing onstage, but yesterday something different happened. Instead, I cried, shook and shivered. Right then, it all came back–anger, shame, and a sense of powerlessness.

I was surprised to feel those raw emotions, after so many years of healing and forgiving. It reminded me that letting go truly is a journey, not a one-time choice. Whenever I feel hurt and it comes back, I am trying to observe them and go deeper inside them. I want to fully express those feelings and go deep down into them and cry myself out, and observe those thoughts. I know they may come back. And over time they'll have less of an impact but I can't suppress them either. I face it each time and eventually I will get over the pain (or realize its just a memory and that I don't have to react to it with pain)

I began to realize that happiness isn’t served to you; it’s earned. It’s created. To charge my mood to be happy is my choice. When you take action, you are telling yourself that your life is worth fighting for. You are strengthening your confidence and proving to yourself that you are not helpless. You are taking responsibility for your life. Expect nothing in return, and everything that comes as a result of you following your passion will bring you untold happiness. One step at a time…let’s take charge of our moods – We all deserve to be happy.

After all, life is far too short to be miserable, don’t you think?

-dyoyzee-