MY SAGA

I thought about moving all the time.  I dreamed of moving. I hoped I would SOMEDAY have a chance to move. But until now, the tug of war battle between my dreams and my fears had a winner that kept me stagnant. The fearful me chose security over opportunity, caution over adventure, the familiar over the unknown, my comfort zone over new experiences.  The fearful me just wouldn’t budge; and so it was in control. I tend to be a bit of a homely person. The people, my family, my friends, are the reasons for not my relocating. How often I stopped myself from moving forward for fear of uncertainty and not paying attention to my inner voice. I reflected in myself, about all the fears which stops me from taking risks and also sometimes from remaining happy in myself. We always care for safe zones and overlook other opportunities and spaces. I’ve always wanted to do it, but I’ve let fear keep me planted. I have to break free, moving is the first step, but there’s quite a journey ahead.


Every journey begins with one step. I have to change my thinking and attitude. Thanks to the people behind this deep thinking I am having now. I’ve just received a phone call from my bestfriend Pam. So what I’ve learned with our conversation was fearing what could be, will only rob me for what it is. It’s been therapeutic after I confided to her. The feeling of opening up to another human being without fear of exposure is very freeing. I think it is total emotional security. The knowledge that you can always confide in someone and tell them your innermost thoughts without being criticized or judged, and hopefully they might know what you're going through. The person who will always be there for you when you make mistakes and who knows how much they mean to you. Pam is someone I can confide my deepest secrets and problems to, and she tries to give me sensible answers and advice. Sometimes if you are going to confide with a close friend, he or she could be a friend one day and then turn around and becomes your enemy the next. I was even told before that sometimes, the things you have told them can be used as the information against you. So, choose the real ones to confide things. Pam is someone I can talk and confide, because she’s my bestfriend. 

This time I can tell, I am down and I am not doing well. But just hanging around with the right people, with my family, is probably worthwhile. It will be worth it to be with a person who knows my worth. This negative life experiences just means that I have areas of my life where the universe is helping me to point me to struggle harder. Occasionally, we get asked some unusual questions for which we are quite often totally unprepared in many ways. It is amazing the sometimes we are all blind to what is staring us in the face. We don't believe everything we see, or sometimes our minds refuse to let us see what is in front of our noses. Sometimes I think all I need is to step back and see what I am really up to, even if it is right in front of me. Maybe it is so obvious I am becoming blind to it. It happens to all of us. True that, it happens to you and me. Most of us live on autopilot so in a way this is just bringing ME more awareness and consciousness to what is going on inside of me. I want to become aware of the areas in my life where I experience low self esteem and begin reprogramming myself to think MORE POSITIVELY.

Most of the time, we all know what we need to do in order to attain our goals. That’s not the issue; we know what needs to be done. We just don’t do it. That’s probably the case. You may tell yourself you want to succeed, but if you cannot do whatever it may be to get there, then you don’t really desire it. You are not “hungry” enough. You want it, just not bad enough. FOCUS AND TAKE ACTION! Change has always been a part in this blog ON THE STRUT. I have to keep going. I am determined, I am ready to take it and move on.  I am just discouraged by these tough times by now. The fear part I’m over, but the comfort makes a lot of sense! I know that these struggles will create a big role in this so called life. It is because of night’s darkness that we see the moon and stars.  It is because of dark times in life that I experience the joy of a brighter day. For this, I give thanks!

-dyoyzee-