Tuesday! I woke up and I
feel uncomfortable. It is hard—so, so hard. At times I want to swat the
well-meaning reminders of life like an annoying little insect in my face, close
my eyes and my heart to the new possibilities, and just sit in my paralysis.
It’s certainly much easier to do that. Realizing that time flies too fast
without noticing that tremendous changes just happen. Everything seems
scattering now. I don’t demand, but of course there are few things that I want
in my life. I only have one life, unlike video games where you have extra lives
if you die. And that’s why I want everything to turn out similarly or
like what I wish, like I plan, like I dream. I have learned not to take everything that
comes into my life. I mean I am determined to overcome obstacles. I just don’t
want to sit here and take whatever is thrown my way. Everyone goes through ups
and downs. Back when I was a kid, I was too scared to choose wrong. More than
that, I didn’t know how to
choose. The uncertainty was so immense I developed an extreme fear of flying.
And the reason my heart was so heavy, the reason it felt so overwhelming
was because, since I was a kid, since forever, I’d known I was born for a reason. I knew I had a purpose that
I felt beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I knew that force
inside of me was greater than just myself. But on my way to finding that purpose, I got lost. I knew I wanted to
change my life; I just had no idea on how to do it. Today, when I watch old pictures
of myself from my childhood days, I barely recognize that kid but I am so
thankful for that chapter, because that chapter is part of “my book”. Those
experiences allowed me to expand my vision of what is and what could be as I
grow up. It allowed me to reconnect with my family, and me, on another level.
I
don’t want to stress enough, that I am going through difficult times at this
moment, yet the sweet escape can’t be embraced and yet it has to be faced. I’ve
begun to view these difficult events as a shedding of things for me to grow
forward, and so I’ve come to call them ‘changes’ instead of ‘endings’.
Difficult as it may, someone special is going through some tough changes of his
own. Nobody knows when sickness will happen in one’s life. It’s been a tough
time going under this situation but I have faith that God has HIS own
miraculous way for everything. I just pray that He will continuously give the
financial, physical and spiritual provision that we need on this tough time. I
am breaking my silence; this post is for my father, my hero, my papa, my
SUPERDAD!
It was in the
year 2009, I still remember the first time I saw a
tremor in my dad’s hand; we thought perhaps it was high blood pressure and
immediately took him to the doctor. I am out of being
strong in energy. I am really scared. We
expect our parents to stay young forever and to always be the ones to take care
of us. I was just rattling off everything I had wanted to do. My father was
diagnosed with hypertension so he went through medications which were required
as regular doses for his treatment or what they call maintenance for his blood
pressure. So as a result, it’s been anticipated that his oral medications would
lead to a kidney failure. On top of this
which I felt made it really hard on us, my family wanted nobody to know of his
illness. My family had to hide it from the neighbor’s family members and
friends. My father’s creatinine level
goes up to 700+; it was an extremely emotional time as we struggled to sleep at
night and was fearful of what will happen. Papa has been advised by his doctor
to have his dialysis twice a week but he never started it yet, and he went
through a second opinion. Right now,
while the dialysis hasn’t been started yet, the best alternative way is a
kidney transplant. I’ve been reading a lot of articles this past few weeks on
what would be the result of becoming an organ donor. I must admit, I got a little knot in my
stomach at this point and started to become nervous. I am really scared, all of us in the family. Now, we’re hoping against hope, my papa will pass
through this struggle. Today I am still waiting to find a match of his kidney
and when it comes up, I think that day will be the happiest of my life. What I
learned through this painful experience was that hope could bring my father, my
family, and anyone through anything. Each day my father lives now we cherish, now
knowing how important each day is. This is something that has been passed onto
me, and something I will never let go of. It’s too hard for me to talk about
this one really. I hope everyone would
love to send a prayer for us. I know God
is powerful and merciful. HE has the healing power to make my papa’s health in its
best state. JESUS heals!
-dyoyzee-
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