NOW I KNOW

Honesty has always been the best policy. I have learned that NOT all people are necessarily good and honest. I am always willing to take the risk. It is fucking October and I’m still blogging about this shit. I took her as an honest person and I trusted and believed in everything she said. But now, I mumbled and was out of breath to finally DISCOVER THE REAL THING THAT HAPPENED. I despise pretense. She eventually revealed an uglier side of her. She had often said to me: “There’s no one, there’s no third party involved” I was too damn chicken to actually not believe in Ander’s premonition. I should’ve listened to my friend. It has opened my eyes. The feeling is like death but it shall too pass. Officially broke up on the 17^th and his guy had a picture taken in her room on the 20^th. It hurts on a level so much deeper than anything else. If I had known it in the beginning, my antics wouldn’t be responded as if it is unrequited and that further infuriates me. I am now totally breezy and calmed and after the tears, it did hurt me and certainly, I am not talking about a knock down, dragged out argument about placing blame. It is true that others no longer want to be in a relationship and it’s also possible that someone just want to part because she doesn’t like her partner any more. At any case scenario, be honest to tell your partner the exact reason why you want to break up. It’s very important to make clear the exact reasons of breaking up. Anything hidden may bring you disgraceful thoughts about your own self as well the other person will always be in a state to guess the reason and often guesses made in emotion are wrong.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown.

This is one of my favorite quotations on letting go because it’s true – sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to get back together. Sometimes you need to keep forging ahead, and learn to survive heartbreak. I am strong, the feeling is intense. I kept myself hanging for the past few months. If only, I have known it earlier, I guess I have fall out on the situation. It is a big mistake to be friends with her; once a relationship is broken, I can’t keep our friendship alive. All I know is, it is not practical to have friendly feelings for a person you have been in a relationship with. Even if before getting into the relationship you were friends, you can never share the same feelings as you use to before getting intimate. After the break up, I am trying to keep distance with my ex rather than building a friendship with the heart breaker.

Anyway, I know I always love to take the risk and I’ll get over this. So here are my baby steps to moving on.

1. Acceptance - To reclaim my character, however I caught myself. This is a reality to conceive!

2. Release the pain – If it means to cry a river, be it. It will loosen up emotional baggage.

3. Be calm - When I’m hurt I always love shortcuts, I go with my friends and I could find a relief with their presence. Find the path to enjoying other things in your life that you used to enjoy.

4. Love yourself - love and accept ourselves for who we are, we should begin to love ourselves one piece at a time.

5. Understand the secrets to optimism while you face adversity

6. Believe that you’ll get over it- a cliché “Tomorrow is another day”. Be patient, somebody’s there to catch you.

7. Go back to number one. Until you realize you are done.

Every failed relationship has its own Unique Storyline, but In the End, We all hurt from heartbreaks.

-dyoyzee-

Publish Post

BEING LADY GAGA

In defense of my generation ... of “my being now", let me just reflect from the past. Well, in my grade school years, I didn't know why I ever started liking gals, I thought it was just a simple appreciation to one's quality but I had my first kiss with a girl in elementary, I kept telling myself that it was okay but it hits me. I kind of had doubts about my sexuality in primary (silly as it sounds) but I found girls attractive. However I never thought anything of it because I was young and I thought maybe every girl at my age goes through it. I've always felt connected to some of my friends in a different way. But, I was so afraid that I am trying to convince myself I am not. If I told my family that I liked girls, they would probably laugh in my face and tell me I am too young to know what I want. But I can't control my thoughts. All of these things were disregarded when I went to high school, it was co-ed so the part of thinking I was complex, had stopped. Well, the thoughts and feelings came back when I was in college.

First and foremost, HOMOSEXUALITY is no longer an issue in the society nowadays. Judging from my social environment, homosexuality is pretty much accepted. And this I could say with my head held high. If you ask me, there is nothing wrong with being a gay or a lesbian just as long as being homo still not synonymous with being a murderer. These people claim to have been in existence underground for past generations and now want to go mainstream. I was so keen that the presence and population grows rapidly. Seemed like they have finally decided to step out from their own tiny little cocoons. THE PROBLEM IS, some people judge, criticizes, abandon, hate, avoid, and underestimate US. It’s totally unfair reading or hearing something making people think things about US; things that are aside destructive to our otherwise normal reputation are also untrue about a good fraction of our entire population. Now I go on my own personal journey from rock bottom to finding happiness again.

Talking about love in accordance to homosexuality, the world found here is really different. Why different? Ask a homosexual, ask me personally lol! It is complicated and it is sometimes hard to deal with, it is confusing but once you get through it, you are on top of the world.HOWEVER, I believe that I together with the whole of my generation have a great potential and a very promising future. People just have to understand that this future will be harder to reach if everybody keeps putting us down and ridiculing our dreams. WHAT WE NEED is guidance and faith-NO! Actually we don’t need! WE DESERVE!

-dyoyzee-

LOVE AND HATE

I was about to go forward with the draft I made in my previous writing, when I suddenly nibbled on my Facebook news feeds, I saw this video that was horrible and brutal. I know this kind of thing happens all the time but it is too disturbing to watch. There were five people who were suspected of witchcraft and burnt alive. It was really disturbing to watch since I got a cold feet and fainted heart. I went through it and I noticed how my heart was broken seeing them burnt alive. That time, I got puked on. All I can say is that, they are still primitive. Their behavior is too barbaric and acts as a troglodyte in which it ferociously knuckles my feelings and those who already watched it, even monkeys wouldn’t behave like that I know, and that’s not racist! That was just not human behavior but then again it was. The only difference is their delusion with witchcraft, similar to extremist religion and anyone with a broken mind. But religion has nothing to do with these savage, these people will believe anything because they are ignorant. Witchcraft is very common there and people believe it. If they didn't, they wouldn't do that shit. They even throw their own kids away, maim them, they even bury their little kids alive if they suspect that they have a contagious disease. This is what they have learned to do, because the west has been busy filling their pockets.

Back to the video, the guy sitting up was apparently hoping for unconsciousness and death to set in quickly. He was helpless, and it was disgusting because he wanted to die at that point. What a horrible way to go. He must have been nearly beaten to death before being set on fire as he just sat there and slowly cooked. The same thing that pushes people to commit suicide happened in him in a matter of hours. There are many wild animals in Africa and that’s just what they were. I cannot believe that human beings can be so cruel. Most of us can imagine ourselves or someone they love in this situation which is called empathy and acts as a brake to similar behavior. What went wrong with these people? Are they so used to death and cruelty that they are immune to the suffering and pain they cause to others? These people had lives to live. Who has the right to deny them that life? It is the worst thing that you can do. It was like Resident Evil 5 came into reality, a mixture of some horrible, terrible, violent, gruesome, tasteless, disturbing, and brutal stuff there! And for the record, I hate the one who captured the scene; it was pretty cosmopolitan to actually record it. It was scary that the bastards who perpetrated this heinous crime didn't even bother to cover their faces or compel the camera man to turn the camera off; they knew they wouldn't be prosecuted. In scale and brutality, this scene in Kenya seemed like a picnic. It is a shame to Obama since this country was his motherland, it should be a wake-up call that Africans needs must be sustained. Africa is extremely wounded! Education, exposure and true leadership are the only way to civilization. Humanity had the chance to make something better in the universe, but we never can’t get away from our basic instincts--- kill, fight and power! This makes me thankful to live in a place where the legal system (broke as it may be) still functions. I pray to the Almighty God to show absolutely no mercy to these inflictions and those of that has caused harm will pay for eternity...

I wish I had not seen this. So sad. It dawned on me about halfway that I was too lucky I live in simplicity and peace. Thank you Lord…Have mercy on us. Now I'm sobbing :(

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

-dyoyzee-

A LETTER TO MY SOULMATE

Hello Soulmate! ;)

Forgive me for not calling your name for I don’t know you yet. It feels strange expressing my deepest personal thoughts to someone I haven't even seen and met. I know you exist; but I am just unaware and I think, at this point and in time, you are possible. I know that both of us are busy and well-focused on the things that matter to us. But I still believe, someday, our paths will cross and we will have the right time to love each other. It is written in the stars, you are the one for me and I am the one for you. I'll be honest -- this year has been a difficult one. My heart has been wounded, it may not be the prettiest for it has been cracked for so many times but surely it would still look beautiful and perfectly whole with your love around. I know that everything is planned by God. The day, the time, the environment and the people; all of them will conspire to make you mine. You’ll be the greatest gift that God will be giving to me. I’m not tired of waiting and I will never be. After all, we will eventually be together for the rest of our lives. For I know that God saves the best for me. If that happens, I will never let you go. I will not hurt you. I will take good care of you. Seriously, I will prepare for the very day that we will meet and I’ll make sure that you’ll be proud of me, the way I am for you.

Although I have yet to find you, I can see clearly our love’s evolution. Please understand that I am not perfect and I am very far from being one. So I fervently hope you will love me the way I am. I hope that you will be understanding and supportive of the things I do and the things that are important to me. You don’t have to be too conscious about yourself. I like you for who you are and not for what you intend to be. So look here babe, I want to make it clear that I don’t want you to change a single thing about yourself just to please me. Losing your identity and turning into someone completely different is not necessary. Relax, I just love the way you are. You don't have to be interested in the same things as me, but being able to converse on a number of different levels is imperative. Let’s both learn with each other and put God as the center of our relationship. Please accept the cheesy love letters or cards I will give you not only on our monthsary or your birthday but also on some ordinary days. Accept the fact that I will be your alarm clock because I will be waking you up in the morning and send you to sleep at night. When something bothers you, let me know for I am not only your lover but your bestfriend as well. You should trust me as your significant other to fix what is. We need to be honest with one another, not in the sense that we should trade journals and have three-a-day 'honesty' hours. I mean more so in the sense that if something is wrong, you bring it to my attention, rather than waiting for me to ask you. Comfort me when I'm down, and I'll do the same. Make me smile and I promise I'll give you a reason to smile every day.

All I know is you are going to change my life. You’re going to be the greatest thing in my life. I will hope that no matter what, you will want to work it out with me, and no matter what happens between us, you will be there for me. We will go through a lot of tough times, and I promise you I will be there for you during those times. I will always fight for you. I will always be there when you need me, and I will give you everything. I will love you like I’ve never loved anyone else before. I’ll sacrifice all I have just to be with you. And if I ever do anything wrong and when I do mess up, I’m very sorry for causing you pain. I would really love to calm you down when you’re pissed. It makes me glad to see your mood lighten up, especially knowing that I am the reason behind the smiles. I will try to make everyday as happy as possible. I will show you how much I love you everyday. In return, all I ask is for you to love me, and when times get tough, you’ll be there for me. Somehow, someday, somewhere we may miss connections and may God’s powers unite us in wholeness despite the paths we have taken in error. I will love you and I promise I will never let you go. I know one day I’ll find you. I know you will find me too. Just keep believing in love and destiny will bring us together. I hope you come into my life soon. Take care and I am looking forward to meeting you soon.

I love you,

AJ

-dyoyzee-