Does anyone know about your fakery? If not, then what do people think who knew you before and saw your changes?
I had an interesting experience two weeks ago. This topic connects with my previous blog. Well, I went on with it. The internet hoax has flooded its ways. Multiple fake people makes our trolls look so tame in comparison. So in short, I was a victim…maybe not and maybe yes. If you are caught between a rock and a hard place, what will you do? What I am actually doing these days is “lathering up and sliding out”. I guess I sound idiomatic by now. So I am pertaining to someone I met, we became friends in a month, maybe… I guess so. At the end of the week, she opened up something to me which was blurry and weird. I was told I was the 3rd person she confronted about her suicide plan. Well I was really shocked and couldn’t imagine if she’s playing tricks on me. I felt disjointed and false. I only realized my own stupidity later! If a person dies, well, somebody might answer her phone calls precipitously. I called her so many times and got no answer. I am thinking if I was tricked and being fooled. I am not even sure who she really was, her identities and her whatever’s. I felt she was dishonest at all, as far as "friendships" go? I would not want to have a friend who doesn't feel they're a friend back, not in a mushy sense, but in an "I can depend on so and so" sense. I guess I don't worry about this happening as I don't become super-duper friends with all my friends, and have just a handful that is close enough to rely on. Well, I do have one close friend who I suspect doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself, so I tend to spend less time and energy there. BUT one thing I was sure of, I became a friend to this girl I am talking about now. Although I didn’t have the chance to say thank you to GIRLIE for making me smile every time we connect or converse, I wish she’s still alive. Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best in everything. I got zapped, and staying put is driving me crazy. I need to stay out from my cocoon and try to live outside. I miss her though. =]
Sometimes, I believe it's a skill that develops through observation of what works and what doesn't work focus on other people's behavior in order to make predictions about how others will behave or respond to you, from and lots of practice. I can understand how a person can mimic behavior or follow a script and develop this for social situations exclusively. It's certainly possible to design a character profile and set out specific behavioral responses to certain stimuli that are likely to be encountered.
Ideas, ideas, ideas, all these ways of judging ourselves - if they make you feel good, keep them but if they don't... THROW THEM AWAY! Beginning today, I am throwing away the idea that I am who other people perceive me to be and the image of me as something static or non-changing. I am discarding the idea than to resonate with different aspects of different people is to be fake.
People will only ever see pieces of me and usually they'll only see the pieces of me that they either love or hate in themselves. The depressed will see only misery in me, the beautiful will see only beauty, and the bitches will see a bitch, the loving will find me lovable. Can I really define myself by these variables? Would that serve me? Or shall I choose to see myself as a full spectrum rainbow which naturally resonates with different colors at different times. Maybe the difference is being aware or “I – know – the – thing – issue” whereby you can observe yourself and the things you are destined doing. This connection is constant which doesn't alter despite which face you may choose to show to the world...
BUT I've always wanted to be a rainbow... PEACE TO ALL MANKIND!
-dyoyzee-
No comments:
Post a Comment