DRINKING

These days, I often think of the joys of getting drunk. Well, I make it clear at the outset that as i use the work "drunk, I don't mean it in the stone drunk, not - knowing - what - you're - doing, crawling- your way home, spilling your guts kind of drunk. I mean it more in the tipsy, feel goo, laughing genuinely kind of way.

I have to say though that it's a thin line that separates these levels of "drunkenness". Being in the tipsy side normally strips you of your usual inhibitions and you feel that another drink, then another one, and still another one, won't hurt. Until you close your eyes and you feel the world around you or should I say yourself spinning. Dead end, you're out of control! When you wake up the following morning, the previous night is nothing but a blur. Your head is throbbing. Your mouth is dry. You swear never to touch alcohol again. but you know that after recovering from it, few days after, you will be holding that bottle or glass again, drinking yourself silly. It is a good feeling. Almost addicting - intoxicatingly delicious. But it shouldn't be the case. Speaking from experience, (like it's not obvious?!!), I'm proud to say that I have learned to draw the line between fell - good tipsy and silly.

Back in my school years, I would drink to impress my drinking mates, to look "astig" tough and at the end of it all, to get drunk. I thought that was drinking was all about. But now, I know better. These days, I drink for the bitter taste of my favorite beer or my favorite brandy, lol!, for the conversations with favorite drinking buddies, the "friendships bonding" formed within drinking circles. A bottle of liquor now represents a reward for a hard week, a toast to a job well done. A temporary reprieve from the hustle and bustle of the daily grind. And to me now, getting drunk is more a joy than a headache. i love alcohol's power to strip me of many inhibitions, allowing me to unload much of the excess emotional baggage I carry around when I am sober (READ: seriously and busy). Also after 4 or 6 bottles( I'm talking beer here, and not TEQUILA) or just 2 bottles of brandy shared with friends, mind you! I actually find my words and myself being more articulate with my thoughts more organized and more direct (or so I think). And I've learned not to cross that 6 bottles barrier or another round of brandy or tequila. Beyond that, my speech slurs. When that happens, I take the effort to stay quiet and still, sometimes I go to bed after a shower, lest I risk making a big joke of myself.YIKES!

Learning your limits with alcohol is a trial-and-error process. You overdo it, you don't feel good the next day, you realize that it didn't work, and you don't do it again next time. We've all had our experiences of overdoing it. I know I've had mine. It's like a rite of passage. Sometimes we make the mistake a few times before the lessons sink in. Most social drinkers figure out their limits by the time they are adults--although even people who are not alcoholics sometimes disregard those limits. If one drink makes you feel OK about being at a party, will five drinks make you feel great about it? Probably not, no matter how much fun other drinkers appear to be having.

I know a lot of people, especially the very young boys and girls, who devour alcohol like their lives depended on it. Often these kids (geez, I sound like old here!) humiliate themselves in public. I've seen pretty young girls messed up a place with their half digested dinner, with self - deprecating behavior due to untempered alcohol consumption. Nothing can be more uncool! I've been there, done that and I was never proud of it. Take heed of my advice: DRINKING CAN HAVE ITS JOYS WITHOUT THE HEADACHES. All it takes is a little effort to discern that thin line between TIPSY and SILLY. Take it slow. Talk. Socialize. you will find that drinking is actually a very productive social and even personal activity.

I thought of this topic while I'm on someone's car awhile ago,actually I am heading to a party right after I finish this blog. Buck up introverts! It's Saturday! It's time to loosen up, here's the temptation to bolster my party stamina. Just a friendly reminder: load up 2 - 3 glasses of water before and after heavy drinking. That will save you the terrible hangover the morning.Drinking too much has a lot of negatives. Why pile them on?CHEERS!


-dyoyzee-

FINDING THE KEY TO SOMEONE'S HEART

"To hide the key to your heart is to risk forgetting where you placed it."

Our time upon this earth is short, yet we fill it with so much pain and hurt and it’s horrible. Our lives are shaped by those who love us and by those who refuse to care. We all have joys and appreciation. We tend to be surrounded by complaints and hate. We need the ones we care about to help avoid the hurt. Well basically in my terms, to risk is to take a chance. Every time you're tempted to take a chance with your safety, ask yourself if it's really worth the risk. Trust your heart to experience.

At first, we think of the heart as an anatomical necessity. It is the hub of our livelihood, pumping blood to and from the rest of the body. A heart is so much more than just some body part—it is essential for living. A person can lose their eyes, ears, arms, legs, and even a kidney, and yet still be alive. But if your heart goes out, so do you. But we often attach other experiences and emotions to our hearts. We personify our hearts when we speak of our heart’s desires. We give our hearts legs when we become excited, proclaiming that our hearts are racing! Our hearts swell with pride or love. Our hearts burn. Our hearts bleed. Our hearts break. The same is true not only for the body, but for the soul and spirit of a person. If your heart gets hurt, abused, taken advantage of, betrayed, or is easily won over, then it will be severely broken, or even die if not taken care of immediately.

A couple of days back, I was amused with this girl I met. She was a "Firecracker" but she is not someone petite, but I think she makes a loud statement for herself and who isn't afraid to speak her mind. She's explosive, eye-catching, dangerously fascinating, and blends in with my taste. She's unpredictable, a bit of a tough nut but someone whom I can't only spark a flame to. She's someone who I can take a step back and still be amazed at the sight of her regardless how often I see her and talk to her, making me feel like it's the first time all over again. Until then....I'm still walking with the same strut, I am taking it real slow.

I say a lot in just a few words. I like those silences which are sometimes louder than a voice. I ask myself, what am I doing to guard my heart? I always think in silence, when there is confusion between heart and mind, I don't listen to my mind because my mind knows everything BUT my heart knows her. I listen to my heart because it is smarter than me. This heart that I have might not be the prettiest. It has been broken and cracked but just the thought of her makes my heart looks perfectly whole and full of love. I have these moments of weakness but I’ve had a lifetime of strength! Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is in silence, at the end of the day, I may pause and say, I will try again tomorrow. When you bring order into a situation, it is incredible how it can make things feel a little simpler. Just like love, you can not open the key to somebody’s heart immediately when you rush things. I wasn't sure how to put into words what has been happening lately but I know it so deep that someone is being chased by the key I am holding now. I just hope it will fit in and unlock her heart to love. I realized that somewhere along the way, my definition for submission changed. I confess: how will I please her? But, there is a hope in my ventricles that the things I whispered in the air will come upon by chance one day. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Kinda speaks for itself. I really don’t know what is next. JA, it has just begun. I guess I will leave it all guarded by fate. We don’t know what will happen, but I know I will keep you. The word keep is better translated as "guard." It will cause you to pick out what thoughts you will entertain but right now, just stay tuned to the beat of my heart. Who knows? I have the key to your heart.

-dyoyzee-

GETTING PASS BY

It’s almost six months when she left me. I’ve been single since the first week of March and it knocked me hard. I had made huge efforts to keep the relationship going but in the end I was the only one fighting, she had wanted me in the beginning and chased her and in the end it was me fighting to hope that one day she would feel that way again. We haven't spoken since but, she gave me phone call sometimes, but the conversation was nonsense, I deleted her in Facebook. Communicating with her hurts, it’s a lot at once. Communicating with my ex opened a can of worms of heartache for me so I decided not to see her. The breakup was a long time coming, we had grown apart over the months, had lost each other as best friends, and it was hard for both of us to let go, but it was time. I am at peace with it; a lot of things went on. So as of now, I am having a pose and see what changes it has offered. LAST Sunday night, I was drunk and never realized that I am at her place already. I was awakened at dawn and said, “What am I doing here?” and a voice came from inside, “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?” I didn’t see the need why I’ve gone there. It is like, I just passed the test and that’s how I feel right now. I am new and there’s no turning back. Well, 10 years was quite a feat, something to definitely be proud of. Down the line, I’ve dealt with so many changes after the breakup. My social life fluctuated from a mere moderation to a full throttle. It was drastic, a fly by it seems. I was in such a bad state of mind after my breakup and honestly thought I would never be happy again. The day that I realized that my heart was finally mending was one of the happiest days I’ve ever had!

Life is short to live in bitterness. The soonest I let her go, the best I’d survived the breakup. We don't need another person to be complete. I am fine on my own and a partner will only compliment my completeness. Now I can say that I can breathe easy, I live my life in contentment. I have friends and my family cares for me. There's no other better way to keep things and people off my mind than to be preoccupied with a lot of things. Distractions can prevent me from thinking about the awful things I've experienced and are going through. I love to catch up things I missed. I love going out with my family, party with friends and the most beautiful part is meeting new people. Anyone looking to get in your pants would keep pushing and saying, "You’re single now?" and in my subconscious, it really means, "It’s my turn to hit that” lol! Yes! By all means I will go on a date! It definitely could be good for me, and start me on a road of feeling good.

I don’t know but my friends still tease me, they haven’t moved on yet I know, I really appreciate their care about what I feel. They still insist that I am in denial that I haven’t been over her. I know myself better than they are. I KNOW that I am the only ONE who can make myself HAPPY. I overheard that my ex is talking to someone already, honestly, I felt nothing. It was a relief to me that I feel okay upon knowing her situation. This simply means, I am at peace and totally gotten over her really.

I know that there are billions of people on this planet. Chances are more than one person and has the ability to make you smile and laugh. I am resigning myself to the fact that my last relationship didn’t work out and that I will be able to find SOMEONE once again. It’s important to remember that life does go on. It’s happening, I am the aftermath. Deal with it or not at all, are you ready to see and be in my world? Come one, Come all!!!

-dyoyzee-

LIFE AND INSPIRATION

I‘ve been told, that things come to those who wait... thank God I’m extremely patient. Someone asked me, why am I still single, so I answered, God is writing the best love story ever! I don't rush for falling in love because love never runs out. It comes out naturally, in unexpected ways, without any permission. What is meant to be, will always find its way! If I spent all my time thinking and worrying about what people say or think about me, I wouldn't have time to live my life. Decisions may sometimes vary because life is a constant change. Based from my past blogs, I blurted something there that figured out to be topsy turvy. That was just my opinion before. It may seem like I am defending myself from any danger in any aspects of life. Defending myself emotionally, because I’ve been hurt and it is but normal to protect oneself from any harm. I subscribed with the thought that, I’ve been thinking too hard these days with so much expectations from other people from what they are going to offer in life. I want to let loose, really! I don’t want to stress myself with things that sustain worries.

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future; I just want to live my life & make the best of it. Everything happens for a reason. That reason causes change. Sometimes the change hurts. Sometimes the change is hard. But in the end it’s all for the best. It’s amazing how when you're about to give up, hope finds a way to whisper for another try. There are times when we must be hurt in order to grow; we must lose in order to gain because some lessons in life are best learned through pain. I believe that everything that happens in life has a reason for happening. We may not know why at that time, but maybe, just maybe one day, we will. One day, we'll look back at the pains and hurts from our past and we'll realize that those painful moments are the best thing that has happened to us. No matter how wasted you are, there will always be someone who will love you because you're not like anyone else. Having done "BAD THINGS" doesn't mean you're a BAD PERSON. You're just someone who has made an UNWISE decision. Just like everybody else. At the end of the day, you may realize, you are just a HUMANBEING. Moments of insanity, silliness and craziness are just symptoms of happiness in your life. Enjoy them, sometimes they are the best part of your day! Don't regret because what you did, was what you wanted at that time and it made you feel good for a while. In life sometimes we made bad choices, it’s about enjoying yourself with all the wrong choices but I stand for what I believe in. There's no regret. It made me for who I am today.

And now, I am spending my time wisely and enjoying life, there is plenty of time to be dead and limited time to be alive. As we breathe, another person takes her last, so let us stop complaining. LIVE LIFE with what you have got. Always appreciate the things around you even if sometimes they give you pain. When you forgive...you heal. When you let go...you grow. When you cry out to God...you surrender. When you love unconditionally...you show others Christ's love. All things happen in God’s perfect time, just hold unto Him when everything seems to be hopeless. Sometimes people may be a little disheartened as things are not going exactly the way they wanted it to be but faith is strong. We know this too shall pass and something good will happen. When some things go wrong, take a moment to thank God for the many things that are still going right.

Right at this very moment, I am thinking of someone who made me feel special. She is a countdown to a new beginning. I hope our friendship will set in. I never thought I could meet someone sincere like KATY. Finding nice persons in this big & complicated world is truly a magical thing but for me? Finding HER isn't only magic. It's a BLESSING!"

-dyoyzee-

A MAKE - BELIEF PERSONALITY

Does anyone know about your fakery? If not, then what do people think who knew you before and saw your changes?

I had an interesting experience two weeks ago. This topic connects with my previous blog. Well, I went on with it. The internet hoax has flooded its ways. Multiple fake people makes our trolls look so tame in comparison. So in short, I was a victim…maybe not and maybe yes. If you are caught between a rock and a hard place, what will you do? What I am actually doing these days is “lathering up and sliding out”. I guess I sound idiomatic by now. So I am pertaining to someone I met, we became friends in a month, maybe… I guess so. At the end of the week, she opened up something to me which was blurry and weird. I was told I was the 3^rd person she confronted about her suicide plan. Well I was really shocked and couldn’t imagine if she’s playing tricks on me. I felt disjointed and false. I only realized my own stupidity later! If a person dies, well, somebody might answer her phone calls precipitously. I called her so many times and got no answer. I am thinking if I was tricked and being fooled. I am not even sure who she really was, her identities and her whatever’s. I felt she was dishonest at all, as far as "friendships" go? I would not want to have a friend who doesn't feel they're a friend back, not in a mushy sense, but in an "I can depend on so and so" sense. I guess I don't worry about this happening as I don't become super-duper friends with all my friends, and have just a handful that is close enough to rely on. Well, I do have one close friend who I suspect doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself, so I tend to spend less time and energy there. BUT one thing I was sure of, I became a friend to this girl I am talking about now. Although I didn’t have the chance to say thank you to GIRLIE for making me smile every time we connect or converse, I wish she’s still alive. Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best in everything. I got zapped, and staying put is driving me crazy. I need to stay out from my cocoon and try to live outside. I miss her though. =]

Sometimes, I believe it's a skill that develops through observation of what works and what doesn't work focus on other people's behavior in order to make predictions about how others will behave or respond to you, from and lots of practice. I can understand how a person can mimic behavior or follow a script and develop this for social situations exclusively. It's certainly possible to design a character profile and set out specific behavioral responses to certain stimuli that are likely to be encountered.

Ideas, ideas, ideas, all these ways of judging ourselves - if they make you feel good, keep them but if they don't... THROW THEM AWAY! Beginning today, I am throwing away the idea that I am who other people perceive me to be and the image of me as something static or non-changing. I am discarding the idea than to resonate with different aspects of different people is to be fake.

People will only ever see pieces of me and usually they'll only see the pieces of me that they either love or hate in themselves. The depressed will see only misery in me, the beautiful will see only beauty, and the bitches will see a bitch, the loving will find me lovable. Can I really define myself by these variables? Would that serve me? Or shall I choose to see myself as a full spectrum rainbow which naturally resonates with different colors at different times. Maybe the difference is being aware or “I – know – the – thing – issue” whereby you can observe yourself and the things you are destined doing. This connection is constant which doesn't alter despite which face you may choose to show to the world...

BUT I've always wanted to be a rainbow... PEACE TO ALL MANKIND!

-dyoyzee-