Another Letter to Heaven

Papa, 

I tried not to cry but you always rock my core whenever I think of you. Fast forward …losing you was hands down the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. People who knew  I have lost a dad always tell me how strong I am and my first thought is always “how do they know if I’m strong?” they didn’t see me hysterically crying on my bedroom floor for hours because I was too weak and exhausted to do anything else. I did however come a day when I realized I was going to be okay. There wasn’t a particular moment but I remember one day realizing that I am growing old and losming you is the most difficult thing in this life. The saddest day ever! I write about strength now because I finally realized that strength isn’t measured by how heavy of weights I can lift, how many miles I can run or whether or not I cry. Even if I don’t feel strong all the time I have learned that no matter what happens, life keeps on moving, as much as you want it to pause sometimes it doesn’t. And I have learned that it takes a lot of strength sometimes to keep up with the pace. Some days are harder than others. I am missing you so much papa, and I wish I had your shoulder to lean on. The  past few years I’v been able to keep pace and take risks and I’m living in the moment. One of the many things you taught me was to enjoy the simple things in life. So after all, I want to spend the rest of my days on loving, being grateful and just being simply happy. 

Pa, thank you for showing me how strong I am and continuing to push me to grow and become stronger. Time moves so fast! Papa,how do you keep memories from  fading? I don’t want to forget anything about you ever… it feels like just yesterday…but it has been 3 years where has the time gone?You are missing out on so many things. The holidays without you, birthdays, or even ordinary days at home. So one time, I made a visit to our old house, all  flashed back to me. Papa, how I wish the internet can reach heaven, that I can see you on videocalls. You can update your status for us to know how are you. Upload pictures on everything that you’re doing. I keep on asking God to borrow just a minute of you here so that I can hug you one last time with a smile on your face, because the last time I saw you losing your breath, you shed tears and looked at me. I want to see you smile and hear your voice again even for awhile. Is it too much to ask that I want to see your face?

I love you papa. Thank you for being my father. I miss you. More than words can ever express, but somehow I think you know that. Thank you for being my heart, my world and my precious guardian angel 😘😇👴🏼 

CHOICES by heart and/ or by brain

After two years, finally, I've made up my mind or just because I have the chance to think and just lay down myself on the couch, and scribble my thoughts into a blog, so here's something that popped in my mind. Read on: If you have to choose what to follow, the heart or the brain, what would it be? Honestly for me, this  is one of the hardest battles!  I'm not sure whether its my heart or my  mind, but whats truly important is to listen to myself and not let the voice get drowned out. Sometimes being alone is the best way to try and listen to this inner voice of mine. 

We are thinking, feeling, behaving human beings. We are at our best, informed, healthiest selves when our thoughts and feelings are guiding our behavior. That is called being congruent (thoughts and feelings are informing the other and informing our behavior). When our thoughts and feelings are disconnected we are thinking one thing, feeling another thing, and behaving without much thought or feeling. This can be a disaster when it comes to love.💞❤️

When we are falling in love the brain creates such a powerful chemical change that scientists believe the euphoria of infatuation is a real, altered state of consciousness. When we meet someone we are attracted to our brain becomes saturated with what some call a “love cocktail”. Symptoms can include feeling happy and positive, increased energy, decreased need for sleep, exhilaration, increased motivation, and at times unrealistic optimistic. Our brain chemistry is helping us to overlook the negative qualities of our love interest. “Have you thought about the fact that he/she: Is recently separated from a long-term partner, hasn’t had work in over a year, or has a gambling addiction?” Your brain in love tends to overlook these things and thinks “We can work it out…we are different…she’s never had someone love her like I do.” This is your brain in love.🤣🤠👋🏼

So when it comes to love…your feelings and your thoughts are both very important. It’s the ability to be objective in the face of your brain chemistry moving into “love hyper-drive” that is key. This often takes some work before you fall in love when you are in a calmer brain state. You can then objectively identify the qualities you want and desire in a potential mate.👩‍❤️‍👩

I used to trust my heart. Now, I listen to my brain too. When it comes to love, earlier, my only goal was to find love and just love, love the other person as much as I can. Fall truly, deeply, madly in love. Now, my goal has extended from loving to protecting my heart. I will love, more or less in the same way, but this time, it is more about protecting my heart. There's no chance I can let it break again. In love, never forget yourself. Never. Love someone like it's the last time. But, do not forget to love yourself a little more. If you can't be your own self in front of someone, you don't love them. Until I find someone I can be just myself with, I won't settle. And that is why, I listen to my brain too. Your brain tells you what is right or wrong. You heart tells you that it is always right. Not everything is fair in love and war. Trust your heart and trust your brain. Not just one, until both of them tell you that it's right, it, most probably, isn't.⭐️🌈

On the issue of love and trust, we need to learn to strike a balance between our brain and heart when making decisions. Love will usually prompt us to do things without second thoughts and these things may end up with negative effects so its always good to think important decisions through. It's also important to not over think everything. Because it might drain the spontaneity out of love. So trust both by finding a middle ground between them. So generally, I opt to guard my heart. If I wil fail again, I choose to go on. I have only one life to live. Stressing myself or over thinking is what I hate. So whatever happens, I will just face and accept what's in store for me even if it's hard or heartbreaking. I will move on. I never tire of love- really- just the pain it invariably brings. Maybe its a skill I have to try and master- a level of maturity I have to achieve. Love brings responsibilities. Especially for myself alone and generally ourselves🎀🎈💜💙💚💛❤️🖤

-dyoyzee-

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