LOOK AT ME NOW

Experience is a good enough reminder. I am being reminded of something I don't need being reminded of. It’s always been a cliché that TIME heals wounds. People always say that, but when these wounds heal, it turns into a SCAR. That scar will always be a re minder that somewhere in someone’s past, it has brought a dilemma, a heart break to his or her own life. As I sit in front of my desktop, I have been reminded of the past. Yet people would say that you can learn from it and it’s been an overused saying then and now. Past is always been past. It should be left unremembered. Today, it is a climb down. Well, I am human by nature and affectionate with feelings and emotions and to be feeling down and unhappy at times is inevitable. But then, it is a gift, I am not a cold blooded being. Then, the presence of unpleasant memories has got to just be part and parcel of this so called life. You see, it is only when we actually went through unhappiness; we will be able to understand then and truly appreciate the gift of HAPPINESS. To forget the past is only a sign of running away from REALITY.  I know that instead of forgetting the PAST, it is OKAY to REMEMBER and then just ACCEPT it.

My past is fascinating. Much of this fascination comes from the urge to understand the unknown, and from the way my mind has a tendency to run wild the sweet escapes that brought my lips to smile now.  Memories are handful and they stay blissful in my heart. I have this wide storage of memories on my mind. I also want to mention the emotional vulnerability that I am feeling right now. I am personally trying my absolute best not to break down, but I definitely felt a 10-pound lump in my throat for a reason that I'm not even sure of. So I just want to say, those were the days.  In retrospect, it has impacted my life vastly; the people I met and the things I have learned about myself, new observations and opinions, and new grown confidence. It is just and it is okay to mention names after all, this are my blahs but I prefer not to. When I think back on these amazing memories years from now, I hope that I can say that this cherished experience has influenced my life in the long run (for the better). While I may not recall everything that I have learned, I know I will always remember the amazing people I was with, whether it was my cohort or the new friends I made or the old friends who happen to remain friends with me throughout the years. I have graciously accepted it as a learning experience for me to improve in myself, to understand my mistakes and to hence be able to do better in my recent relationship. Now, I believe that I am mature enough to think for myself. To cling on to my unhappiness or to stand up and courageously face them, it is all up to me.

In the fairly tales of old, we loved the “And they lived happily ever after” endings. But it seems to me that the work of today is to use every situation and experience of our lives, to become more conscious. With regards to breakups, if you’re holding onto the painful memories, and choosing to forget the good times you had together, you’re only hurting yourself. I personally try not to think about the “water under the bridge” on unrequited love because it IS painful a bit – especially with those few who I really, really loved. Unfortunately, coldblooded break-ups usually overshadow any “good times” at the end of the day. Separation are opportunities to built a new self learning from the experience of love, but if you get trap on anger of bitter you will never develop that new conception in your psyche. With my past relationship, some days I am in awe of what we have shared and uplifted by the love we were able to experience. And on some days I just want to give some smack on the wall. Should I deny any of it? Nope. The experience is Powerful, and so am I. I am now smiling at all the past good times. I'm too freaking sick of everything feeling overrated so what I have now---PEACE & ACCEPTANCE. THNKS FR TH MMRS. 

Leave the past in the past, the future in the future, and enjoy the present of the present. Let go of the unpleasant past now, happiness is what WE ALWAYS deserve.

-dyoyzee-