STEP UP

Basically, this is not my life story but I can somehow relate. I need to say things about this situation for I know that few may be going through with this kind of situation right now.

This can be tricky but if someone wants to look forward and not back, whatever your girlfriend or boyfriend may have done in the past is exactly that – THE PAST. If it was before you were together than that may make it a lot easier to get over. However, in a relationship, it can still be worked out if both parties are completely honest with each other.

Being open with your girlfriend is a great policy to start anyway and so if you can both know where you stand and how you both feel about certain things then the problems should be easier and more manageable to resolve. The best way to get over the past is to look to the future. If your girlfriend is now on the straight and narrow then you can't keep punishing her for her patchy past. It is not fair on her and not good for your mental state. Accept that you were not in her life then. Accept her word, that had you been in life then she'd only have you. So get over your past as well as hers. It’s an ugly tough test dealing with the past but its one test that needs to be passed in order to fully enjoy the future.

So I can now relate, I have this pet theory and I’m having terrible jealousy like this is a self defense mechanism and 'natural’. Built in our 'genes' from thousands of years ago when people lived in tight knit communities and there was a need to spread the gene pool. But really sometimes, people telling you to ‘get over it’ do not help in these situations. If someone has never experienced these feelings they cannot possibly know how all consuming and destructive they are. I have great empathy with anyone who has or has had these feelings. I lost a girlfriend because I couldn't get over her past. I used to think if I could just understand everything about her previous relationships it would help me come to terms with them. But in some ways it just made things worse. In the end my concerns about her past destroyed our future. My advice is don't go there. By making us feel bad about someone who had already slept with someone else we'd be more likely to go and find someone 'fresh’. I know this doesn't help but it may explain why these kinds of feelings are so prevalent and so many people experience them. The trouble is, nowadays things have moved on a lot and people have sex very young and with lots of different people to 'experiment'.

Honestly with my recent relationship, even if there's still a little bit of that resentment or jealousy in me, communication has definitely eased my worries. We worked it all out by talking, and I got to admit, I even feel a little ridiculous for overreacting about it. I'm not her first for anything, but I’m still learning to accept that. I love her, and she loves me back unconditionally. She reassured me that, even though the fact remains that her past can't be changed and what happened happened, I am her present and her future. Two things that her exes can never be. I love her and that's all that matters, she's mine and not his , her ex doesn't know what he let go, he lost the crown jewel, the best and now I have her and I'm not letting go! I love her for what she is. I’ve touched a love that nobody else has. I’ve touched her soul and she loves me back and that might be something that other guy never got to touch! Physical beauty is important but isn't the end all being all of dating. It’s what's in the mind and heart that count, right? The physical doesn't matter as much as the spiritual and if you're in love that's a great spiritual connection. And for the record, As long as we keep in mind that what we’re fighting for is worth it in the end, we just got to tough it out. It's a cliche, but that's love for me and everyone out there.

I have the following beliefs that I hold unto:

1. Don't over think it too much.
Just remember that they're the reason you two are together now.

2. They weren't good enough for her when they were together.
Just prove yourself that you're the one & you're worth her time than the others.

-dyoyzee-