FORGIVE & FORGET

The need for an apology may come at a time when emotions are running high. If this is the case, an apology need not come immediately to be effective. There is huge gap between merely reciting words of apology and feeling of true expression of personal regret. The cooling-off period will vary. It may be two minutes this time, twenty minutes next time. There’s a need to cool down and let the person realize what’s wrong and at times, there’s a compound need of perception of the offense being given. So be it still. I think the hardest and most important part of forgiving is acceptance. We often hold on to the pain and hurt because somewhere we do not accept the reality in front of us, and in a weird sort of way the pain becomes a distraction that keeps us from facing the reality. Once we have accepted things for what they are, we have already taken a step towards forgiveness. It allows us to truly feel the pain and release it. Then, as you pointed out we are in a position to place boundaries. Where loved ones are concerned, we do need to look at the part we play, and forgive ourselves for that, no matter how big or small. I believe we cannot forgive others until we have the ability to forgive ourselves. And this could be as simple as forgiving ourselves for allowing ourselves to be hurt. Also, if we do love the person and truly want a chance of a continued relationship, then holding on to the past destroys the future possibilities.

For me, it is about acceptance, acknowledgement, expression and release of feelings and emotions, setting boundaries (not expectations) and a desire to move on, whatever the outcome might be. To forgive, we have to be prepared to let go, and when that happens, all things are possible. Sometimes, there’s a need to let go of our guard. There’s no harm in trying once more. It is possible that for this second time around, you may or may not get to practice good boundaries for yourself, where you don't intentionally set yourself up. I mean, to be able to give yourself a freedom from angst and anxiety, you must learn to accept forgiveness and learn to say sorry when you know you are at the wrong side. Acceptance will free your mind. Once you say sorry and it is really a compound regression, then this will be a sign of living your life constantly to let go, breathe, and relax. The world will keep on turning, and it will not fall apart if every little task is not accomplished the way it should be. 

We can not avoid mental filters wherein it will result to miscommunications. The way someone will perceive a situation, a comment, or statement towards that person will result to miscommunications depending on how it was interpreted by his mind and understanding. So before you communicate, at work, in social sites and at home, make sure that your mental filters are in sync (synchronized) otherwise when you talk to someone you will mean something but the other person will interpret something else, and this may create serious misunderstandings. Therefore, miscommunication, due to mismatch in mental filters, may lead to discord which in turn may snowball into disastrous consequences. If everybody wants to be happy and be peaceful, it is important to think before one speaks. When people lash out or do something hurtful to others, it is coming from a place of pain in them.  When I take myself out of the equation, so to speak, I can have compassion for them.  I don't condone or even understand the behavior, but I can see the probably root of it and let it go.  Many people who have hurt me will never be able (or willing) to accept or understand what they have done, and it's not my place to "make" them understand or acknowledge it.  What's important is that I don't allow it to continue to hurt me for years past whenever it actually occurred. I agree that it's hard to just let it go, all at once--it can be a continual unfolding. It could also be interesting to ask the question from the flip-side: What do you get out of not forgiving, 100%? What's the payoff? (I don't ask this in an accusatory way; just as something that I know I've contemplated when I have trouble in forgiving. By understanding these things, I think I raised myself to be a pretty good person in spite of some hurdles. Not forgiving doesn't change the past. I'd rather look ahead than over my shoulder. Instead of being in a bundle of nerves, try to relax, LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH!

Happy weekend! Tonight is going to be fun! I’ll be in The Bay with Pam, Roch & Grace…

NAMASTE!

-dyoyzee-

IT'S YOUR CHOICE

It is past half way! I don’t really know why I forgot to update my blog again. But hey, I’m here again, earnestly writing a topic to unfold. It is laughably easy to forget to stop and take stock of how far we have come in our lives. “No matter where you go, there you are.” ~Confucius. All of us are and will be in crossroads no matter where life gets us into. What we are now and in the future MAY or MAY NOT be the one we have imagined and dreamed to have or to do. I tried to rest a bit, yet I have a lot in mind to talk about.  Often, life experiences, happenings are the most valuable things that I really want to scribble about. I’ve been contemplating criticisms lately.

It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." -- Paulo Coelho 

We all know that each of us have been questioned about choices, beliefs and feelings.  I have been criticized for the path in life I have been called to walk. I live my life the way I wanted to without worrying about what others think of me. I've felt the "who cares what people think" phrase misguided for years, and it's potentially very dangerous. What we present to the world and how people view us is VERY important. It affects how we relate with friends, family, co-workers and any one who happens to see us frequently. No, we shouldn't change with the wind and falsely live our lives for others, but valuable, sometimes, harsh criticism can be important to consider. While the phrase is meant to deter bullies and those with harmful motives, it can block one from growth. It can make one very defensive to any negativity, inflating egos and leading to very bad decisions. As an extension of this, or I've also found I have a choice in accepting what I feel is beneficial to my growth, so if that means it feels deep down that I am challenged by criticisms, but I reflect and check out if there is something in it, then I can accept it for what it is as a reflection, if it doesn’t feel right then I let it go and pass me by.  The same as if I feel someone else praise or adoration, etc is truthful I will choose to embrace it. I think caring what others think is a natural part of being human -- everyone wants to belong and feel loved and paying attention to how others receive us is a natural extension of that. I think the thing to be careful of when caring what other people think is how much importance you give it. For instance, I can care what you think of me, but when I allow that to take precedence over how I think about myself, then I'm in trouble. The important thing is that we don’t let caring about people or circumstances detract from our ability to care for ourselves.Sometimes someone else’s criticism contains a valuable lesson. Sometimes someone who seems like a jerk really needs someone to take a chance on him (or her). Sometimes someone else’s choices help us illuminate the path we really want to take. But oftentimes, those who disagree with the path we have been called to walk try so hard to dissuade us because they believe in their hearts their path is the right path (aka, the "only" path). The practice is to know (in our hearts) that, for them, it is the right path because they are on it and, at the same time, have the courage and conviction to continue to walk in the direction we are being called. I guess with regards to my relationships with friends and my family, it is essential to care for myself as they care for me. With their guidance, support and love, I can be able to choose which path to take. What I know is that it is never too late to begin living our own lives, being who we are -- we just have to listen to that voice within that never lies and take the first step and then the next step and then the next one. Be at peace in knowing that GOD knows how to get you to your unique point of destination, which is that sacred and precious moment you arrive at fully being who you are.

As long as I believe, I WILL DREAM! BELIEVE! SURVIVE!

-dyoyzee-