I’m not claiming to be the expert here, because I’m on this situation myself and I have much to say right now. I have this feeling of being rejected, inability to breathe easy, wondering what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been in a relationship for less than 10 years, we we’re not only lovers, but we were best friends. We had our moments and arguments and small break ups (they lasted no more than 2 days) and I always say to myself "The one thing I love about us was, how we get back together stronger". We had some problems but we were both willing to work on it together and things would improve for a little bit and then they would go back to the way they were before. I've done all that I could to make my partner to feel secure within our relationship and know that we both love each other, BUT this time, I call it a dilemma.
I will now break my silence. Writing about me this time is quite uneasy. Just imagine me bursting into tears while encoding this blog of mine.
A little back - story first. It has all started with a simple argument, and thought that we could patch things too soon. This time, it turned out to be, unpredictable and hurting. There was a sudden change; I pay no heed to it. I just thought, things will just pass us by as I always believed in.
What if you were in my shoes and told by your lover, “I no longer feel anything about you, I need to be alone and wants to do things all by myself without you”. I was told, “I don’t want to be meddled, don't want to receive a text message asking where in the world am I, what time will I come home. Who’s with you, a sort like that? And vice versa, my partner does it too to me without recognizing that it is but normal to be treated that way and I got upset because these things were just some of the moments which are actually JUST when inside a relationship. I was caught off balance at how guarded the situation was. The passion is gone. Maybe it got monotonous, it went controlling. I was kept hanging. The need of space in a relationship was requested. I got confused, well, this thing happened before but it went different ways this time. And now it’s over! We’re done.
I don’t want to start picking our battles, because I know, the more pressure I instill, the harder it is. I still love the person I used to be with. I am thinking now to respect that this person is struggling and in need of some space and time as hard as it is. I will give what this person needs for a while and that's time. These things work themselves out in the mean time, I know but if not, then i will have the time to work on myself which is to endure in this darkest moment.
I have read a book where in it says that, people shut down when stressed and there is a need to try and not take that personally or read too much into why they are doing that. So, sometimes it has nothing to do with me or their happiness in our relationship, there is just a need of time on their own to think and recoup. Only time can help me get these strong emotions into perspective. I need to grieve for this lost of love. This helps I know. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when I’m loving someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that I will get out and fill my time constructively. Everyone says, it’s important to preserve my dignity and don't beg, but it’s easier said than done, when my heart just wants the things go back into places.
Right at this moment, I'm so scared that this is done. I will give a try not to look back. I think reality sets in and people get scared of what the future holds at times. And while it hurts like hell at this time and seems like the end of the world for me, surely, it's often a blessing in disguise. I don’t know what is in store for me, but I’m firm to stay positive. Life only throws me hardships; it knows I can pass, as long as I remain confident. Everything happens for a reason and everything will be okay. That I am one down working on it... tomorrow's another day...farewell CHE!
- dyoyzee-
